Saturday, May 23, 2009

May 23, 2009

The other day at work, a friend of mine stated "you don't even know where you will be two years from now...". It really hit me hard. What can I do to change my situation between now and then? Will everything still be the same no matter what? Wow. It has sent my head into a spin and I have pondered about this everyday now.

At this very moment, I have two beautiful children that I love with every fiber of my being and a husband who is happy with who I appear to be. I have a job I love. I have great friends that support and love me no matter what. But I have never been happy with me. My life and certain situations, yes. But me, as far as self-esteem and self-love go, never. I have never been secure in who I am, and I will mold myself in any given situation to be the person someone else wants me to be. But who am I really? When does the mask of "what others want" come off and what will it reveal?

I am almost 36. I am going for a two year exploration....of me. What do I really want? Who am I deep down inside? How do I get rid of all of my self-esteem issues and be comfortable with me? I am giving it two years. I know there are some things I want that I probably can't have, but who knows? Somethings I can change myself, I just have to have courage and boldness....right now I have neither. I can't wait to see where I will be and who I will be at that point.

3 comments:

  1. Dear BFF....for years the people that love you and stand at an outside distant have always wanted to know, "How can someone so funny, so awesome, so creative, so talented, and so beautiful (not counting the fire cracker red episode of the early 90's)have the lowest self esteem of any one we know?" At 37, and as one of your oldest friends....it's time to fix that. It's never too late. You,my dear spice, are the bomb!

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  2. Dear Live.Love.Laugh, I realize I am a slow learner. I am not stupid, but maybe a little slow with the big issues in life. Thank God I have you as my BFF to call me out when I need it! I love you BFF!

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  3. And I love you. Cuz you are awesome. and put up with some of my stupid shit. :)

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