Well, Monday came and went, and in some strange new "budding self-confidence" cloud, I forgot to weigh. WHAT?? Yes, for at least 12 hours of one day I did not care what I weighed. Oh. My. God. Is this the beginning of self esteem?? I CAN ONLY HOPE!!!! Or was it the fact that I was still in somewhat of drunken stupor from going out like areal grown up Saturday night? (I am going with self confidence, even though I think the buzz I was still dealing with may have had something to do with it~)
Last week was somewhat uneventful, other than studying as much as I could. With StudyBuddy (who was SchoolCrush...but StudyBuddy just sounds more fun!). It just makes studying more fun not to do it alone. I am learning more about StudyBuddy with each study session. I am picking up on lots of things, like he makes LOTS of money, he lives in a BIG house, and he is awesome....just in general. However, as I have learned, more money combined with more stuff = more debt. I am not impressed with material things. I would be impressed with a very large checking and savings account though. However, things like that never come up in conversation. Which is good. Especially on my side! lol
HotDoctor and CougarBoy are doing well. HotDoctor and I need group therapy and CougarBoy continues to tell me about his workouts. Wow. I dream about his workouts. They still motivate me to run. And run. And run.
On to the real stuff....blah. Husband has just left the house for the third time in recent weeks with without his phone because "it needs to charge". He is not working, he is just helping someone at the shop. And happens to be unreachable. Is it sad that I actually HOPE he is doing something shady? Maybe I just want to ease my conscious from the "pretend" and "study" world. I don't know. Do I want to know if he is? Not really. I honestly don't think I even care. Having said that, I now realize how sad this marriage is. And, will I ever have the nerve/balls to approach its "shittiness" to Husband? I know he is still clueless. The other day, we had this conversation:
Me: People at work think it is crazy that we never talk to each other throughout the day unless it is an emergency or something.
Husband: I think that is why we get along better than most married people.
Me: You think we get along?
Husband: Yeah, we don't fight or anything.
Then he walked off. Sat there with my mouth hanging opened and realized that it is the "or anything" that sucks. Yes, we don't fight. OR ANYTHING! There is no passion, no humor any more, no smiles, no questions, no answers, no acknowledgement, no ANYTHING!! And THAT sucks.
It is hard to believe that as screwed up as we are, we (and of course, God) managed to make such awesome kids! Kids are great! Right now they are actually letting me blog without trying to kill each other. I am thankful for the little things like that everyday. As we all know, my main goal is to not fuck them up. Thus far, they are doing great. They are both funny and SUPER creative. GirlChild has her diva moments, but so do I! lol
All in all, YES, my life is still bizarre. I am still running. I still have pretend boy friends. I still love studying with StudyBuddy. I still weighed, not on Monday (so it doesn't count). I still cry at night. And I still sometimes fall asleep with a naughty little smile on my face.
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