I am still fucked up. Yes, it has been two weeks (almost) and my life is still as unstable and bazaar as it was. I really had hoped to have made some progress at this point, but somehow, I think I have just made things more insane. Wow. I even try to be an over-achiever in the "add more chaos" department! lol
Weight days have come and gone. Lost one pound. Whoopiedooo. Still running like I am actually getting somewhere,but I am still here when I get off the treadmill. I feel like I should have at least made it to Key West by now. And oh, how I would love to be there.
I have discovered that I continue to attach myself to people with terminal illnesses or at least are one step closer to deaths door than they should be. This causes many tears, sleepless nights, and horrible random thoughts in my head. However, it makes me count my blessings every day. No matter how bad I think my life is, someone always has it worse. Way worse.
Speaking of things along the lines of cancer and such, have I mention that StudyBuddy has battled cancer? That is actually how we started talking. I asked my normal round of ten thousand questions, and viola, we open doors into other conversations. StudyBuddy's story continues to amaze me. So do his studying skills. Last Friday we studied so hard that I wasn't worth a shit for the rest of the weekend. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. He washed his cell phone, so we have had no contact since school this week. It has made my days very long and boring, but also provided a needed break. I am not sure where this study "thing" is going, nor do I know where I want it to go. Then I even start thinking things like "did he really jack up his phone, or is he sick of me?" or "omg...he can already tell that I am one fucked up individual?" So, I have now added something else to worry about. Thank God for meds.
CougarBoy now has a steady girlfriend. I must say I was not happy when I heard the news. Mainly because from what I know of her, she falls under the category of "trifflin' ho". He did point out that if I was married, he should at least get to date. I couldn't argue with him. He was right. TrifflinHo is now part of my world. Whore. LOL CougarBoy still continues to motivate me to run. And he still writes me poems and leaves little notes on my desk. He makes me feel special. I like that.
HotDoctor continues to be so friggin hot that his mental instability does not matter. I love him. I love him more and more every day. Today, while in his office, I literally watch his eyelashes while he blinked. And noticed there are a few new grey hairs at his temple. And noticed his apple green and white polo could not possibly look better on any other person in the world. I brought him Starbucks back from lunch. Love him. I love him so much that it took someone else to point out the irony of me buying Starbucks for a Doctor who makes more in one day than I do in a year. I just want him to be happy. I want him to be happy with me. Really, is that asking too much??
My real life has made no new progress (SURPRISE!). My marriage is still pitiful. My children are hilarious and precious. My parents still stress me out. But thanks to seeing some of my good friends go through some really hard times right now, I know it could be worse. And I am so glad it is not. At this point in my life, every day that I wake up is a blessing. I may have to search a little harder on some days than others to find that blessing, but blessings they will be.
:-)
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